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you said it allllllll! imma boy btw .. and have the same hair as u

Danielle you are so refreshing and gorgeons.

I find that when I stretch my hair the BM always stop me with that question « Where are you from? ». It is like when you have long hair you can’t be solely black. Impossible.

That’s no 3C hair

One cannot create their own beauty standard if the community around doesn’t see it as beautiful. Saying black women need to create their beauty standard is like saying short men should create their own beauty standard. It’s just not what women desire so it’s impossible.

Hair and skin is stunning ❤

I too fantasize of leaving the house looking like Coolio . The daily/weekly energy and maintenance feels equivalent to preparing to go to a prom or a wedding .

My idea of a messy bun on 4c hair is braids or twists put into a bun.

I get where you're coming from when you say you like short hair but when you get to have control over the length. It's hard to feel that you have no say in that because of health issues. Deffo dont be hard on yourself you look amazing no matter what

I got locs... best decision ever

You are young and beautiful. You can wear any style. It would be funky & fun👍🏾👍🏽💕!

Oh, I also feel chained to styling my hair in a certain way. Whatever commitment I have, I set aside at least 40 minutes to style it (which is a lot of time for me, especially when I have to go to work at 6 a.m.). I just can't do a quick wash-and-go without feeling uncomfortable. It really sucks. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned feeling that it would be "wrong" socially. I've been thinking this way for a while, and I didn't have the courage to admit it to myself. Greetings from Brazil.

So, I just cut all my hair off-could not be happier. Before I did it- I said to myself why do I want long hair? What are the upsides?- it has no style (It must be styled, unlike short hair) I love adding in hair and doing crochet hair and it's easier with short hair. Main thing, I like wearing my hair out unless it's super hot and doing that with short hair is easier then with long hair- i have high porisity hair and it gets dry quick, so wearing it out in it's natrual state is a no go- So off the hair went and as I told the hair dresser this is FOREVER CHOP not a Big Chop. I will never have long hair again and I say to each her own, but long hair is a pain in the ass. As my mother used to say never go backwards.

Gurl just do you! Your hair is lovely, so thick & long…. This from an older Black woman!

My solution to wanting long 4c hair but not having the energy/executive function to detangle and style etc etc etc a huge amount of hair was to go the loc route. I felt so free once I started because I could finally enjoy my natural texture without hard work. My hair is done by default, even when it's not "fresh". I don't have wash days anymore. It takes 30min to wash my hair (and shower). If you really like how passion twists look on you, locs wouldn't be that different.

9:30 Nah, we 4b’s are chilling over here 👈 😎 just watching 👀 everyone else fight around us (ง •̀_•́)ง 😤

I always envy The Bald Baddies and I do struggle with Big Oddly-Shaped Head issues which I counter by wearing a wide variety of extensions and wigs. I achieved BSL but I only see it every couple months when I get a new braid down 😂

I would like to vote you as pettiest voice

Bra strength lap 🤣

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER UNTIL 13 I HAD LONG HAIR STRAIGHTENED IT WAS TAIL BONE. NATURAL @ SHOULDER MY SISTER CUT MY HAIR AFTER STRAIGHTENING IT ONE NIGHT WHILE I PRETENDED TO BE SLEEP CAUSE I WAS LISTENING RO THE TV. I GOT UP & CRIED IN THE BATHROOM ASKED HER WHY SHE CUT IT SHE SMILED AND SAID SHE DIDNT TO THIS DAY I NOW REMEMBER I WAS ABLE TO DO MY OWN HAIR THEN . NOW I DO AND I RESENT HER FOR IT

We got the same stuff paper thin

The plait and fluff if my favorite but my hair winds up so tangled.

The black girl version of a messy bun is a messy bun. You might just need the length to do it. If your hair is shorter then you'll have to braid or twist your hair flat in the front to get it to stay put.

Straight up, having kids cured it for me. I don't want my girls growing up with a mother who has image issues. I actively looked over at my daughter watching me mess with my hair. I straightened up and said "Mama looks good today! And so do you, baby!" We giggled and left. For some people, you can't be your own reason. You gotta be better because you set an example.

The mind games that have been played on us and it's still successful rate always baffles me. This is our hair, why is there this need to constantly try and get it to do things it would not do if we leave it alone. I have a very intense lifestyle, on the rare weekend I do not have things to do I have no intention of spending hrs styling my hair. As a result braids are my go to. Minimal manipulation and heat and I allow it to thrive for 6-8weeks at a time. I don't even lay my edges, my psoriasis and eczema won't allow me to anyway. Just a bit of gel during braiding and then I moisturize twice weekly.

“BUCK SHOTS GALORE!” 😂 I don’t do anything to my edges either. I never understood it. For me it’s the forehead equivalent of a mullet.

i feel like even the jet black thing is biased, nobody’s hair is naturally jet black. if anything it reflects brown rather than straight black in the sun. the sun actively bleaches black hair to brown so it’s kind of inevitable for our hair follicles to revert back to that no matter how it’s dyed and we all know dying no matter the shade isn’t good on our hair either, even if having darker hair supposedly promotes hair growth

That, short hair looks great on certain face shapes. That’s the same for a lot of hair styles.

You should promote your Kerch more I didn’t know you had mercy!! Def will be buying when the check clears

I love this video. I think an important thing to add here is our hair toxicity is still tied to us wanting to be closer to whiteness and accepted as valid in this society

I LOVE YOUR DOGGIE! So beautiful! Black doggies are the best. I rescued two, but couldn't find a black one when it came time for my third But I love her just the same. Doggies are so much nicer than people much of the time. God bless.

I feel envy for people who act like parting won't kill them, and people who can cornrow....

I'm ordering merch, now

I just want my shoulder length hair to be a choice. My goal is to grow it out to bra strap length just to cut it back to my shoulders at my shoulders

I really excpected you to at least briefly address the thumbnail of that last video. And all the comments calling you out on it.

Is it really toxic? Literally across all cultures and races, many women want long thick hair.

Locs would free you sis. Unexpected Self love booster, No combing ever, length retention, and messy buns too! It has everything you want! I’m 4 years in and currently bra strap length. I get up and go sis. Come to the loc side!!!!!

Thank you for sharing some of the insecurities you still have about your hair. We’re human, we will always have vulnerabilities. I appreciate your effort to tackle them and bring us along with you🩷 Personally, I was able to embrace my “4c” hair in all its shrunken frizzy state when I realized I was only envious of the praise other hair types get and not that I actually want their hair. I started embracing wash and fros using leave in only or twist outs that really are just the sections from detangling and it has been the easiest thing ever. My hair is for me. For what it’s worth Im queer which explicitly rejects gendered conformity so I can understand that this acceptance with shrunken/short hair may be easier for me than for others. In reality, it was not that easy but it was vital to my mental state to accept all the raw and “undesirable” parts of myself so I just forced myself to be vulnerable and wear the detangled fro as a style. Now my hair feels gorgeous in its shrunken state but also feels strangely mundane, I just exist this way. I think due to historical racial trauma, we have a sort of existential dread about desirability and perception and I’m happy I was able to shed that off. I hope we all can get to this point one way or another🩷

You're not alone. It's very human to want what we don't have. Some Caucasian what to be tanned, some Asians what blonde hair, and lately - the whole world want to attatin a big butt..... etc, etc, etc. The reality is that there's nothing wrong with any of it. Society has taught us that we need to belong to a "block" or be associated with something. But when you go against the grain of societal perceptions, you're picked on until you're accepted. That's the beauty of those unafraid of what people think, they keep us on our toes of self acceptance and thinking freely. They are the creators, the trend setters, and the ones who stand out without asking for permission to just be. It all came with a sacrifice for each of them. They learned to build their own table to sit at versus waiting for someone to invite them to a table they were never going to be welcomed at. We are always evolving and seeing things from a different perspective as we grow. Keep being "You" and all the different layers that you come in.

This why I have my hair in locs. It's been so long since a retwist I've grown by own TWA at the base of my locs. And when i decide it's time to attack the mane, it will take max 90 minutes.

Thanks for still putting in the effort to upload videos even though life is life-ing?? for you. You really give those of us who are also struggling, something to be glad for. Love your deep convos along with your silly convos and your random singing that slaps all the time. You're literally the only Hair RUclipsr I don't mind hearing talk through all their videos. Keep it up if you can, I'm always here for it!💪

I want it healthy and growing that all i want, I think it come from community pressure to always be presentable and not inferrred as ugly, masculine or unprofessional.

I've been watching you for a couple years because I just love hair videos, and being a wavy hair person I gravitated into the natural hair community and found it super interesting to learn about black hair. I've been having an interesting experience, because my hair turned curly when I went on testosterone in order to transition (this happens to people, it's really interesting! Hormone changes like during pregnancy, or chemotherapy treatment can change the hairs texture and pattern) And I loved it! Last time I had curls like that I was a strawberry blonde toddler. My hair now is brown, thick, and forms sock curls all over my head (a bit looser in the back crown area but it's normal to have a mix) and learning and adjusting to being a CURLY HAIRED person and not a "wavy roll out of bed" person was a massive adjustment. It's tiring for sure, and it's even more tiring putting in the time to style and getting frizzed up by humidity, and people seeing my hair as less kempt because of that. And it's literally not my fault! It's my hair doing it's thing. I'm also chronically ill and wash and goes are sooo not easy for me. I've been struggling to find an in-between with having my curls perfectly styled frizz free, and being able to go a week without washing. I use a bonnet for sleep, but my hair always comes out crooked after :( I probably need satin pillowcases. But yeah. I listened to this video and could relate a lot. I couldn't imagine the experience of dealing with this your whole life

Fun fact: the messy bun girlies are blow drying and flat ironing their hair too 😂😂. The natural hair community once locked me into a prison where I thought I was being bad if I blow dried my hair.

I think it is really important for everyone to know how to retrain your brain and fix your algorithm. Go out and look for content that matches what you need (not want or desire) Delete, block, say “not interested,” or “don’t recommend channel” for anything that is not good for you. If you run across anything that is bad then DO NOT ENGAGE. Stop watching right away, don’t like or comment! Keep saying positive things to yourself and look for content that supports that.

Nappy IMO just means super tangled.. nothing more nothing less

It's not an internal standard, it's external. We live in a Western Eurocentric society, where long specifically, straight hair is treasured, to the point where people will choose an ugly ass stringy wig over their own springy, gravity defying hair. However, if we look at many African societies, they manipulate their hair, but w/o European influence. Braids are a manipulation. It's ok to manipulate it, as long as you actually love her as she is, and don't hurt her. She's a direct expression of your mental and physical health, just like your skin. Just accept how she moves, and her moods. Don't fight to make her something she doesn't want to be.

Danielle, girl you are such a natural beauty. I love your vulnerability and the way you represent yourself. A toxic trait for the natural hair movement is this idea of being a clone. Everyone must have the same hair style like dreadlocks or feeling like if someone relaxes their hair or wears straight hair its due to self hate

Oh wow! I’ve never gotten involved in all of this. My hair is simply my hair. When I was young, We didn’t call it the natural hair community. It was just our hair.

I struggle with the amount of shrinkage that occurs after washing my hair. Even after blow drying it shrinks back fairly quickly. I have had to explain to a lot of hairdressers that no, I have not cut my hair. It has just shrunk. But yes, having short hair, by shrinking or otherwise is not easy sometimes and I do desire it to be longer.